


Nanny

by Ladycat



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Crack, I Don't Even Know, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 02:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladycat/pseuds/Ladycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is Teal'c," John said, beaming at the behemoth that gently cradled Max like his hands weren't big enough to crush babies in one negligent squeeze. "He kinda followed me home today. Well, mostly he followed Max home today, and I think we're keeping him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nanny

"I'm in here," Rodney said, not looking up from his laptop. He hated administrative nonsense. He wasn't very good at it. But Teyla had given him that long, long look that had Rodney thinking about pink-slips and, oddly, long wooden rods that would hurt like hell in her capable hands, and oh yes, _pink slips_. So when Teyla said she needed those reports by Monday, by Monday she would have them.

Rodney's sanity was a fifty/fifty toss up right then.

"Rodney," John drawled, leaning against the door. John was _good_ at leaning. He liked it, and it liked him.

So did Rodney, who would allow himself this brief little moment to turn around and admire just how incredibly hot his husband was when he leaned. It would just be a second. Just a small, tiny little -- 

"Oh my god!" Rodney screamed. "What the hell is eating our kid!"

"This is Teal'c," John said, beaming at the behemoth that gently cradled Max like his hands weren't big enough to crush babies in one negligent squeeze. "He kinda followed me home today. Well, mostly he followed _Max_ home today, and I think we're keeping him."

Still a little shocky, Rodney tore his eyes off his son, looked at his husband beseechingly, and then turned back to his laptop. He had too many damned reports to finish. "Okay. Whatever. I have steaks in the fridge marinating, you wanna make the salad? And does it eat meat?"

"I am a male, Dr. McKay," Teal'c intoned with a kind of stilted Barry White voice. "And I am quite fond of beef. However, the little one needs to be changed. If you'll excuse me, perhaps John Sheppard can show me where his bedroom is?"

Thus the McKay-Sheppard household grew by one more.

* * *

A few years later, it grew by more natural means, which included John and Rodney going through girl after girl -- and fight after fight -- before finally finding the right one and allowing Rodney to contribute -- into a _cup_ and there were probably _basters_ involved and John had to work very hard if he wanted sex after the first try, Rodney was too traumatized -- and then waiting an anxious nine months.

Little Meredith Sheppard was a squaller. She also enjoyed beating things up with her tiny, tiny almost translucent fists.

Teal'c took Mere's increasingly vicious attacks with his trademark equanimity, smiling at her while Max danced around his feet and begged for attention. "I believe I have a solution," Teal'c told them.

John took their daughter back and tried hard not to wince when she -- as always -- zeroed in on his hair. "Solution? She's a newborn, Teal'c. Max was almost eight months when you met him."

"Was not!" Max piped up, glaring sulkily at his sister. "Was _never_ that little. It's not _'ossible."_

"That word is incorrectly spoken," Teal'c said, adding just the tiniest hint of iron into his normally softly spoken, even tone. Max went immediately quiet and went over to Rodney for hugs and cuddling, which Rodney duly dispensed. "That is true, John Sheppard, however, not relevant to my point. With your permission -- "

Both John and Rodney winced because really, he'd lived in their house and dealt with their crap for four years; _they_ needed to ask _him_ , not the other way around.

" -- I will put a call in."

"In?" Rodney asked uncertainly. He still wasn't quite clear what Teal'c did. Oh, Teal'c took care of Max, but that wasn't his _job_. That had been established the second night when Teal'c had deposited a clean and happy Max in his father's arms and disappeared for the night.

He was like the dark avenger or something comic-book like, except Teal'c was apparently _paid_ for whatever he did. Rodney wasn't sure what the SGC was, but it sure sent pretty checks.

"Yes."

John and Rodney looked at each other. Seconds slipped by. "Um, okay?" John finally said.

Thus the McKay-Sheppard household grew a third time, nervously including the presence of one Ronon Dex.

* * *

It helped that the two of them were so obviously different. Both were quiet, yes, and enjoyed beating the crap out of each other and John, whenever John was around and willing to be beaten up. But where Teal'c could at least carry a conversation, Ronon spoke in grunts. Sometimes hand-gestures. He was messy and laid back in his appearance, compared to Teal'c's painful neatness, and had a casually rude attitude towards just about everyone and everything.

Well, other than Meredith. And Max, of course, but mostly Meredith.

To her, he was utterly devoted.

"Hey, look at this," Rodney said one night, not long after Ronon's appearance. He held up a familiar envelope, with a familiar address, and an only-recently familiar name. "He's SGC too!"

John shrugged, disinterested. He was dressed in boxers, exposing the cut of his belly whenever he breathed particularly deeply. It was incredibly distracting. "Yeah, so? You know he has a job, that's why we have night's off for both of them. And day's off. And, you know, when they disappear sometimes."

"Well, yes, but -- "

"Rodney." Leaning forward meant the light glinted off soft, welcoming chest hair and oh, hey, kissing. Kissing was a really good distraction, the envelope falling from Rodney's fingers so he bury those same fingers in John's hair, scritching lightly over his scalp.

"Hm?" Rodney said, eventually.

"Do you not want Ronon here?"

"What? No, of course I do. He -- Meredith really likes him," which wasn't the right answer, but it was the closest Rodney could venture.

John understood and kissed him again. "Yeah. So, just let it be. They're good for us."

Rodney nodded, already sinking back into bed, because it was true. They _were_ good for them, since it allowed their children to grow up relatively sane and potentially even normal -- although Rodney recently discovered Ronon kept _knives in his hair_ , so maybe not -- and it allowed John and Rodney to somehow miss out on all those painfully bitter fights married couples were supposed to have. It also allowed them to do their incredibly important jobs, since Rodney was the prized and petted scientist at _Atlantis_ , one of the biggest scientific companies of the world, and most of what John did was classified, but he seemed to enjoy it.

That he wasn't even thinking about asking John to _finally_ tell him what it was he did meant all those blow-jobs had finally worked.

Hm, speaking of. Maybe he could convince John to meet for lunch?

Rodney had his secretary call John's secretary and together they went to _Ali_ , one of their favorite restaurants for a leisurely lunch and John gasping into a toilet stall while Rodney fucked him hard and not nearly as messy as they both would've preferred afterward. It wasn't exactly routine for either of them, but later, Rodney would thank every star in the sky that he'd wanted sex just that badly that afternoon.

Because when the call came in, there were no loose ends to tie up, no people to placate. Just Rodney falling into John's car, while John broke the sound-barrier getting them home.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Rodney babbled when they screeched to a stop. He was out before John -- ever anal -- threw the emergency break and oh, there was Max, tumbling into his arms, bawling his eyes out while Meredith wailed into John's shoulder. In front of them, Ronon and Teal'c stood loose and easy, like action heroes from a television program come to life, complete with a bloody mouth (Ronon) and a gouge on one always bare arm (Teal'c).

In front of _them_ was a pile of black-clad men with guns. 

There were at least five, Rodney hysterically concluded from all the legs, they were all unconscious and oh yes, _all with guns and bullet proof vests and probably knives_.

He managed out a frantic _"What!"_ before his throat closed up and he hugged Max to him more tightly.

"We believe that a rival corporation is interested in your alternate fuel research," Teal'c said calmly, like he wasn't dripping blood over his bicep and probably their clean white driveway. "Do you not remember Teyla Emmagen calling last week?"

No, no, he really didn't, but John was nodding. "Shit," he muttered, then glanced down at Mere, clinging fast and tight to her father's shirt. "How the hell did corporate espionage just get upped to potential kidnapping or blackmail?"

"Probably blackmail," Ronon chimed in, hoarse and pleased. "They didn't know the kids would be home today."

"And they're okay?" Rodney asked, because whatever, this was the kind of thing Teyla handled, he was just the brains that created her multi-million dollar patents. This was why _she_ ran the company because Rodney would probably end up nuking the world if it meant his kids were safe. "Max and -- and Meredith, they're okay?"

"They are well. Maximilian did exactly as he was told, hiding with his sister while we took care of the intruders," Teal'c said with a little bow. "I have promised him cookies."

"Cookies?" Max peeked out from Rodney's very wet neck, looking a very, very fragile five. "Can we have cookies?"

Ronon nodded. "Yeah, c'mon, kid. Here, Sheppard, gimme the Princess and I'll get both of them calmed down. Teal'c, you can take care of -- "

"It is well, Ronon Dex."

Ronon tossed him an odd look, picking both kids up and taking them back into the kitchen. "Whatever."

"He is young," Teal'c said. "However, he has proved to be quite efficient. Now, if we could perhaps adjoin to your automotive vehicle? The clean up crew will be here soon."

In any other circumstance, Rodney would be shouting and screaming and demanding answers loudly enough that the entire _city_ would know he was in a temper. As it was, he had already blindly turned to the car, his arms still wet and shaking with the lack of Max inside them, when John stopped him. "You're not really here because of our kids, are you."

"I am indeed here because of your children, John Sheppard, as is Ronon Dex. I find them to be quite winsome and am pleased to provide care for them."

"But?" John snapped, suddenly every inch the ex-military officer.

"But that is but one of many skills and responsibilities I have." Teal'c drew himself up to his full height, looking down at John in a way that made him seem both humble and thoroughly annoyed with them for being so dense. They saw this look a lot. "Be assured, John Sheppard, that should I not care for your children, I would _not_ be here."

That wasn't any kind of answer, but John nodded and pressed Rodney into the back seat so they could sit close together, holding hands while Teal'c twisted around from the front and cautiously began to explain.


End file.
